Compassion must be developed

"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," by Richard Carlson, has some very insightful suggestions on how to deal with everyday life. The book is worth reading and most of it is well worth sharing with others.

I want to share two of the book's chapters, one dealing with developing our compassion, the other about random acts of kindness.

Carlson writes that nothing helps us build our perspective more than developing compassion for others. Compassion, he says, is a sympathetic feeling involving the willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's predicament.

It's the recognition that other people's problems, pain and frustrations are every bit as real as our own - often far worse.

In recent years I've discovered that compassion also makes us better leaders, able to see and understand the frustrations of those around us, thus allowing us to become better listeners and more resourceful in dealing with conflicts and other issues.

Carlson says compassion is something we can develop with patience. It involves two things: intention and action. Intention means you remember to open your heart and mind to others; to expand what matters, from yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it."

There is a personal reward for compassionate people. It develops our sense of gratitude by taking our attention off all the little things that most of us have learned to take too seriously. When we take time, often to reflect on the miracle of life, the ability to read, the gift of sight, of love, and all the rest, it can help remind us that many of the things we think of as "big stuff" are really just "small stuff" that we are turning into big stuff.

The writer also makes some good points about random acts of kindness. He suggests that when we do something nice for someone else, don't tell anyone about it.

While many of us frequently do nice things for others, we are almost certain to mention these acts to someone else, secretly seeking their approval.

When we share our kindness or generosity with someone else, it makes us feel like we are thoughtful people, it reminds us of how nice we are and how deserving we are of kindness.

While acts of kindness are inherently wonderful, there is something even more magical about doing something thoughtful, but mentioning it to no one, ever. Rather than diluting the positive feeling by telling others about your own kindness, by keeping it to yourself you get to retain all the positive feelings.

Carlson says it's really true that one should give for the sake of giving, not to receive something in return. This is precisely what we are doing when we don't mention our kindness to others -- our rewards are the warm feeling that come from the act of giving. The next time you do something really nice for someone else, keep it to yourself and revel in the abundant joy of giving.