Adventures of a miswired DIYer

By BOB KRUMM

Expositor Columnist

Last year I bought a utility trailer for hauling lumber. My car required a custom wiring harness to operate the trailer lights, something that could only be purchased from the dealership. When I picked up the large plastic bag from the dealership's parts department there was the harness with a confusing myriad of wires and connections plus several small black electronic boxes which had to be plugged into the onboard computer. The parts manager said they could install the harness, but if I followed the "easy to understand" instructions it would save some serious money.

Confident this would be a simple project, I headed home, parking the car in the shade. Must be how the term "shade tree mechanic" came about.

Well, the instructions might have been clear to someone who knew about automobile wiring, but definitely lacked important details for a do-it-yourselfer. Plus the darn harness was too short. My solution, I thought, was elegant in its simplicity - splice extension wires onto the existing wires in the car. Three hours later, working in the dark with a flashlight clamped between my chin and shoulder, I completed making the connections. Unwittingly, unknowingly and unfortunately some of the wires were crisscrossed. I'm proud that never a profane word crossed my lips during the process, which left several severely bruised and bleeding knuckles, a bump on my head where it hit the rear bumper, and numerous mosquito bites.

Once the connections were completed and everything installed there were some 'minor' glitches. When put in reverse, the car's turn signal lights on the dashboard lit up and the taillights began flashing. If I used the right run indicator both the right and left taillights blinked. However, when the trailer was hooked up, its lights worked reasonably well, so I ignored the glitches.

Last week, while prepping the car for vacation, I decided to pull the harness and have it re-installed later by someone who knew what he was doing. Unfortunately, after disconnecting and removing the harness, the lights still weren't working correctly. My mechanic solved the problem, but now I don't have the wiring harness attached and I'm deeper in debt on the project.

My lack of electrical skills has become quite popular tales among local electricians, who benefit from mistakes I've made on home wiring. I keep their phone numbers right next to those for the pizza delivery joints.

Several years ago I was remodeling the kitchen. The house is 93 years old and needed lots of updating, remodeling, refurbishing, repainting, redecorating, etc. You get the idea... lots of "re's".

I replaced old knob and post wiring in the kitchen with new wires. It seemed like a simple enough project. However, a couple strange things began happening and these weren't things I could blame on the ghost that roams the downstairs. For example, the kitchen lights stopped working. Several outlets stopped working. However, when the coffee maker was turned on, the basement lights lit up!

Kinda wish there had been some sort of class in high school that offered a course on electrical stuff. I didn't take the shop class either and almost cut my thumb off on the table saw a few years back. That's a story for another day.